If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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