you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
