sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
