we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
