Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
