OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
