I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
