i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
