When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
