i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
