We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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