he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
