Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
