It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So squirting runs in the family.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
