We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
