Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
