I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
