I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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