i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
