so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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