i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
