the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
