Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
