Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
