Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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