is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i dont even know how to be here
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
