shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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