good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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