Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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