there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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