Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
