tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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