Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
