i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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