Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
