Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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