You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
