Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
