If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
