Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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