i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
