My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
