Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
