Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
