WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
