You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
