i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
