in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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