My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
