hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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