I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
