If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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