if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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