And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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