why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize