Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
