therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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