Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
