Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
