He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
