I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
