I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
