Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
