So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
