dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She even gives head with a lisp.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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