im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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