Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
