We won't sleep together?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
