sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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