So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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