my mouth tastes like poor choices
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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